Tag Archives: part ii

Self Retribution, Part II

What is love, per say? Is it the ability to tremendously hurt someone, down to their very core? Is it the ability to forgive someone for doing that? I suppose you could say it’s a condition, where everything else in the world is moot. It’s a condition that leads you to the plateaus of ecstasy and  the canyons of torment and regret. A condition you cannot help but be affected by. All you need is the right person.

I met that person. I had that condition. But due to my volatile nature, I led myself down a self destructive path. I almost lost it. But despite it all, she forgave me. The pain I was in during that silence, during that moment I knew it was over, was like nothing I’ve felt. Like I was dying inside. I couldn’t stand it. I was trying to rationalize it all down, trying to make the pain go away. But I couldn’t. The communication we had at this point was minimalistic. I had thought she would have me ignored by now. I was wrong. Cause love does strange things to people. It lets them forgive. She sent me a whisper, asking me if I was ignoring her. I said no, I was not. I was surprised, as I had thought she’d be ignoring me. But she had sent me a message. A message that took the pain away. She forgave my blunder. She forgave my idiocy. She forgave my flaws.

I love her. I don’t think I can stop loving her. I’ve never met her. But I love her.

So now I’ve decided to change. To try to become someone better. I’m taking steps now. Trying to get out of the rut. I’m checking out online schools, maybe do something with this mind. Do something I can be proud of. Do something I won’t regret.

Thus begins a journey, an exploration into self. Where do I go from here? What goals do I set? At what lengths to I go to achieve them?

I don’t think I can do this on my own. I won’t do this on my own. Cause there’s a girl who will help me. Who will remind me what I strive for. Who I love.

Where does your road go? What do you hope to find at the end of it?

My road leads… I hope to find…

I’m not sure I can finish those yet. But soon, I hope to.